SETTING SEXUAL BOUNDARIES (PART 2)
In the last first part of this article we hinted some points that can help us set proper sexual boundaries. We will continue from where we stop. sit tight.
If you missed the first part of this article, please click here to read SETTING SEXUAL BOUNDARIES (PART 1)
- Be sensitive to attractions: Don’t be naive around the opposite sex, know when a man/ woman is sexually attracted to you and move back from that person. You need to discipline yourself to do this because when a guy/lady is attracted to you, they will do everything they could to get your attention, to show they are in love and care. Be sensitive, if they focus too much on your physique and body, they are sexually attracted to you, move back. Never take that as compliment. All they see is your well curved booty, your endowed boobs, your broad chest, your good set of teeth. My sister/brother run, I say run for your life. This is the biggest trap you are setting for ourselves. I must say there is nothing bad in complimenting. As a matter of fact, we all like it but be sensitive when all the compliment focuses on your physique and body structure, it only means they want what they compliment about. I say RUN.
- Know when you are sexually attracted to someone and move back. It’s perfectly normal to have chemistry for someone. Marrying the greatest man on earth or the most beautiful, virtuous woman in the universe will not automatically stop you from being attracted to someone else. Know when the thought of another man/ woman get you excited and move back. One way or the other, you will get attracted to someone you are close to. The more you chat with the person, the more the attraction between you guys and if care is not taken it can lead to where you don’t plan. If there is anybody you really need to be careful about, it should be those you are attracted to. Must you chat with the same person over and over during the day, every day? Oh! It’s your close friend, your gisting partner. You don’t see same sex to be your close friend yet you are shouting guys are using you up and down. Am I saying you shouldn’t have a male friend? NO, I have some female friends to but I set boundaries. I don’t talk or chat with them every day. I sometimes forcefully give a break for days and weeks when I noticed the closeness between us is getting out of line. No call, message or chat and I won’t pick calls or return chat as well. It was intentional. You may think am too harsh but can you truthfully tell me, if there is any opposite sex you are close to and there is no attraction between you guys. Even if you don’t have at first, the other party will develop it. Why don’t you save yourself from the aftermath and be intentional about it now.
- Don’t jump at new relationships: I have seen something going on among your people. They are changing relationship as if they are changing clothes. As a matter of fact, if there should be a break up in their relationship today, 95% already have replacement. Stop lying to yourself. You are already in love with the other party even while in relationship. You are not faithful to your spouse. You gave yourself to enjoy the attention and gifts of someone else other than your partner. Have you ask yourself, how will you feel if it’s you? I have heard many ladies say they are still young and they want to be free and enjoy the attention before they marry. Yet they lose their focus along this line. If after break up, you have somebody of the opposite sex to fall back to and in no time replaced your partner, it means you are not faithful all this while and you won’t be a faithful partner in future. Yes! There is break up but give it time. Study the person, know what they stand for, see if your core values are compatible, if not, move back!
- Leadership attracts all kinds of people. If you are a leader or you are gifted, talented or intelligent, the opposite sex will show more interest in you, be careful whom you allow to get close to you. Especially, if you are a minister of God full of grace, be careful of your relationship with opposite sex. The starting point is always innocent but the process can be corrupted and end in sexual relationship you don’t even plan for. The trap is everyone want to associate with a star but discipline is needed.
- Accept gifts with care: Ladies be warned, men don’t joke with their time and money. If he spends so much time and money on you especially when you do not ask, this is enough for you to think. What does he really want? When you know you are not ready to be in a committed relationship, learn to say NO. When you are already taken, why accept free gift at all times from your so called friend. Stop begging men for money, the man you are asking money is another woman husband or partner. Ask your partner if you need anything and if he’s broke at the moment. Go and struggle with him and help him become what God destined Him to be. Work with your two hands and raise your standard. Men will respect and honour you for it.
- Work on your relationship/marriage: most times, we are drawn to the opposite sex when we are facing challenges especially in our relationship. We tends to find comfort from another. We tend to fill the vacuum left by the absence of our partner. We don’t talk with our partner but spend more time with the opposite sex. My brother/sister, you are already opening the door to extra marital affairs. Angels too have feelings ooo, so never think it can’t happen. Fix the problem as soon as possible or else you get attracted to someone who gives you what you lack in your relationship/marriage, fornication/adultery is the result. Call your partner and settle it.
- Be prayerful, be watchful: Jesus says “watch and pray that ye may not fall into temptation…”. in as much as we live, we will always have one or two things to do with opposite sex. We can’t live without each other. You need to be sensitive and be prayerful. Commit your heart to God. When you noticed unnecessary feelings with your co-worker, male friends, don’t turn blind eyes to it. Quickly good to God in prayer.
- Don’t stay with the opposite sex in a dark or lonely room.
- Don’t counsel the opposite sex on a bed in a lonely room (particularly for the young ministers). Many had fallen through this.
- Don’t visit the opposite sex alone, especially at night. It doesn’t make sense.
To the ladies mind the pictures you post on the social media, if it is getting unnecessary opposite sex attention and comment about your physique especially the sensitive part, delete it.
Finally, to my beloved brothers avoid the second look, as far possible. I agree perfectly with Job on his resolution never to look lustfully at any lady. Yes, you can avoid the second look. Set your boundaries and never allow anyone to compromise your holiness.
These and more are the things you need to do to stay sexually pure in this 21st century.
People may laugh at you, it doesn’t matter. They may call you a neurotic, psychotic, fanatic, over sensitive or paranoid, don’t give a damn! Your destiny is too precious to waste on the altar of sin. Avoid friends who make fun of holiness and make friends with people who appreciate purity and holiness.
Thanks for reading this long; we believe this write up is helpful. Please feel free to comment below and share this write up to your friends and family. It can save a brother/sister.
©Oladimeji Olayinka Joseph