LOVE & ACRIMONY
I have watched the movie ACRIMONY
It left me with mixed feelings…
Who’s to blame for the outcome…?
I was filled with empathy for every cast…
Do I blame the woman who was faithful for many years and sacrificially gave her all in the name of love?
Do I blame the man who saw light at the end of the tunnel and consistently pursued good ambition till it became reality?
Do I blame the woman who loved a divorced man and then made his long term dream come true?
When love hurts, remember to forgive
Dwell not on your pain and grief
To err is human;this do not forget
Lest vengeance digs you a pit of regret.
Firstly, the bible says…
Don’t take it on yourself to repay a wrong. Trust the LORD and he will make it right. (Good news version)
Don’t ever say, “I’ll get you for that!”
Wait for God; he’ll settle the score. (Msg version)
Two wrongs can never make a right…trying to get even with evil means you’re evil for Out of the heart flows issues of life! Learn to overcome evil with good…
Also don’t stay overwhelmed by the feeling of hatred, bitterness, anger, happiness, sexual urges etc! Being overwhelmed with emotions usually results in silly decisions. Take charge of your feelings/emotions and never make crucial decisions when you’re overwhelmed.
Secondly, The movie gives a 21st century reason why a divorcee should remain divorced else return to their husband/wife… (If they had divorced but each person remained single, the matter would have been less complicated.) Take a look at what the bible says in 1 Corin. 7:10-11
“And if you are married, stay married. This is the Master’s command, not mine. If a wife should leave her husband, she must either remain single or else come back and make things right with him. And a husband has no right to get rid of his wife.” (Message Version)
Lastly, Before claiming to be in love, you must be ready to meet its standards…the affection you feel must be checked against certain requirements before it can be called LOVE. The requirements are found in 1corin 13:4-7 which says:
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Like a friend told me, no one is responsible for the outcome of your life except you…I’ve pondered and found this true!
You own your brain, mind and heart…so whatever opinions get thrown at you, yours is still the decision to make!
Some years ago, I got into a conversation with a lady who obviously in her words had been battered and had terrible heartbreaks from several relationships she had gotten into…
She said to me “Darling, I love you so much and I never would want you to experience a bit of what I have experienced in the hands of Men”. I could see sincerity mixed with pains in her eyes…she continued as I gave her my rapt attention…
“I know you love him, I have been there, but trust me dear, do not ever join the league of ladies who put all their eggs in one basket , guard your heart jealously, do not ever let down your guard for a guy… they will let you down cos ALL MEN ARE CHEAT” she said emphatically.
Friends, If you ask many ladies “why that mindset?” Something is usually unanimous: BAD EXPERIENCES FROM PAST RELATIONSHIPS!
It became more interesting and shocking when I got to know it’s the same mindset in Men’s World, some of which are; “Every woman has a price, give her good cash and she will fall”
“Women only love those with big pockets” etc
This made me resolve in my heart to do a research on this topic “WHY PEOPLE CHEAT” (both men and women)
Let me briefly intimate you with the summary of the result of my research.
-Ridiculous Sexual Exploration: Lust and cravings for sex from different ladies as a means of satisfying sexual appetite.
-Lack of trust: A woman who has the history or re-occurrence of infidelity in her home may never be able to earn the trust of the man.
-Genetic background: Medically, it has been proven that infidelity can be genetic…A man whose history (parent, grandparent etc) indicates marital unfaithfulness may find himself helplessly struggling with it no matter how much he tries…Genuine repentance and salvation should be sought after.
-Ego Boost: Just the same way some men feel ‘every real man drinks’, that’s exactly how some male folks believe “keeping just one woman is a sign of weakness.” so as to boost their ego they go in search of more women…This is really absurd and it’s a sign of inferiority complex.
-Peer Pressure: Words from friends is one of the major things that molds the life of an individual, that’s why it’s impossible to walk with kings and not have a trace of royalty. In the same vein, continuously listening to gists from friends regarding their unfaithfulness could eventually lead to one getting involved in the act too… Remember, bad company corrupts good manner…the righteous man should choose his friend carefully.
-Insecurity/uncertainty: An undefined relationship could pose a major threat to a woman’s life. A lady that is not sure of the direction of her spouse as to what intention/marriage plans he has for the relationship may find it difficult to stick to him as a result she might want to open her heart to potential prospects.
-Past heart break: There is a general saying ‘once beaten, twice shy’ .Women are more emotional beings than men. A lady who was betrayed by a guy she deeply loved and trusted may find it really hard trusting the next as a result she may not be totally committed to one guy.
-Societal/Peer Pressure: We are in a world where social media has taken over and “following” celebrities is one of the most trending thing to do, majority are molding their lives based on what they see others do, other people’s opinions etc and as a result terrible decision could be made.
However, at some other time it is impossible to totally eliminate the possibility of meeting one or two new persons that will be a threat or major distraction from your spouse. At that point, if proper caution is not taken, you may begin to see your spouse as a “trash” ready to be disposed.
Truth be told, for both parties to remain faithful to each other, CONTENTMENT is of great importance. The love and value you place on your spouse will determine how well you will handle distractions from other guys/ladies when they come. TRUST is also another factor that has to be built in every marital relationship that will last. A relationship without trust is like a house built on sand…with time no matter how much they try it will crash.
Above all, WISDOM IS THE PRINCIPAL THING required to build an healthy marital relationship.
“A wise woman builds her home” (openness to learn more about your spouse and act on knowledge gained)
“A wise man learns how to protect, love and cherish his spouse as well” (he isn’t easily distracted by every passing ‘fly’). Spend time on molding her to become that alluring and godly taste you have in outsiders and your relationship together would be an experience of happiness and romance.
Statistically speaking, lovers in distance relationship are usually 125miles apart on the average and only get to talk once every 2-3days.
Let’s define this term…long-distance relationship.
This is the situation in which lovers are far apart and only get to have physical touch rarely.
Long distance relationship is often caused by educational reasons, family, job, search for greener pastures etc.
The distance has both it’s advantages and disadvantages.
Here are some of its advantages.
- It helps you discover if you are personally a person of integrity and should earn the trust of your partner. When you’re far from your partner, several amorous flings and alluring spree will come your way…this in itself tests your true character and commitment to both your partner and your personal values.
The true character of a man is that which he exhibits in the secret…things he does when he’s not being watched.
- If you practice chastity as you ought before marriage, being far from one another reduces the include of sexual temptation. However, if one lacks personal values, this might end up opening doors of fornication with other people.
Here also are some disadvantages.
- Lack of physical touch…Touch such as hugs, holding of hands, fixed eye gazes, etc can never be replaced with the best technology or video call. People who’s love languages include touch and quality time will find distance relationship very frustrating. For such people, a simple hug is better than a thousand words…. Just running around in a garden or taking a selfie with you gives them the euphoria of being in love.
We all are not the same, we are uniquely different.
So you not being physically around makes them weary and fret. They begin to get moody without cause till there’s a total emotional disconnection…leaving you with assumptions of infidelity.
- Distance in relationships tends to adversely affect communication…this in turn leads to a whole lot of other issues such as
- Extreme jealousy
- False assumptions
- Feeling of loneliness
- Excessive emotional pressure etc
In my opinion, the disadvantages of a distance relationship outweighs its advantages. However, there are few things you can do to make the distance bearable pending the time the gap is breached.
Be psychologically prepared that certain things will be inevitably different.
You have to discuss these likely things with your partner. Both of you must be understanding, don’t be unrealistic with your demands and expectations.
Give priority to voice and video calls.
Good communication is extremely vital for the survival of any relationship.
Send gifts and messages…be creatively romantic about it.
This goes a long way in reassuring your partner of your unwavering commitment…it reflects how much you think about them in their absence.
Pray together over the phone
Nothing stops you from praying together even though you’re miles apart…If God in heaven hears the prayer of men on earth…then really there’s no distance in the spiritual realm! Pray!
Trust your partner and also make it easy for your partner to trust you. Calling other people pet names on social media platforms will only create wrong assumptions in your partner’s mind…Don’t be careless with your words.
Be more willing to give excuses for your partner’s inadequacies…be peaceful and not swift to pick up offences, he/she would only end up hiding things from you. Avoid unnecessary confrontations and anger…learn to patiently express any displeasure.
Schedule visit days (when possible)
Don’t just relax and say….”we are too far apart”…thrive to at least see once in a while…you never can tell, it might not be as difficult as you thought. Don’t forget, where your treasure is…there also your heart will be. Go visiting.
Plan to Relocate
Lastly, make plans towards a time when either of you will relocate to be with the other….Long-distance relationship shouldn’t be practiced for too long.
May you find peace and happiness in your relationship.
As I saw her, I had an unusual feeling yet I recall it was something I had once felt before, the last time I felt this way was some two years ago when I was introduced to my fiancée…
Now I’m having that rush of adrenaline again…it’s so overwhelming…my head is heating up…whew!
Though I haven’t even met my crush officially but every time I see her at CDS my heart beats faster.
I know it’s not lust, this girl looks so much like my dream girl and even before meeting her, I can see she behaves just like my fiancée;very decent and well composed, you’ll never catch her talking idly like every other female corper…she’s usually at a corner with a book in her hands.
I’m not a kid and I have met hundreds of women, none of which would ever make me imagine cheating on my fiancée…the love between my partner and I is real.
But this new girl is like the upgraded version of my partner…
I finally met my crush officially and coincidentally in a bus…
She flagged down the bus I boarded from my house, I was so engrossed with my new phone that I didn’t even notice it was a corper who entered till she sat beside me and said
…this made me look up and reply…
I couldn’t complete the greeting when I realised it was my crush.
She noticed my interupted greeting which I tried covering up with a broad grin… She looked back at me weirdly though😒 but didn’t talk…lol😆
To create a new first impression of me in her mind, I decided to quickly start a conversation with her…
“What’s the title of the book you’re reading? ” I asked.
She replied “you read books?”
Wow! Thats the exact way my partner usually answers a question with another question…I’m really liking this girl already o, her hair, her smile, the way she talks, the way… RING! RING!! RING!!! _(My phone rings and interupts my secret thoughts of admiration)_ I observed it was the customised tune I set for my fiancée…oh boy!, I would have picked up but I know we usually end our conversations with “I love you” and “I love you too” which I really didn’t want my crush to hear me say, atleast not yet.
Well, I ignored the call and it ended…all the while I tried convering up the sound of the phone by asking her series of questions which she kept answering with questions and soon there were numerous questions I have unanswered… RING! RING!! RING!!! …my phone rang again…I tried covering up by asking her another set of questions which she replied again with a question only that this time, it was a confrontational one…
“That’s your phone ringing right?” She asked.
Chaiii…I knew I had to answer this time or else my crush would assume I stole the phone.
“Yes! It’s mine…I didn’t hear it ringing” …so I quickly picked.
My fiancée👩🏽: hey dear
Me: heeey what’s up?
My fiancée👩🏽: where did u keep your phone?
Me: I didn’t know you were the one ni…sorry
My fiancée👩🏽: haha…didn’t you tell me you customised a special ring tune for me?
My fiancée👩🏽: hello? Are you there?
Me: yea yea yea…what’s up?
My fiancée👩🏽: haha…what’s wrong with you this morning? Anyways I just called to check up on you noni…hope you’re on your way to CDS already sha?
Me: Yea, I’m in the bus
My fiancée👩🏽: Ok…we’ll talk later then…byee…I LOVE YOUUU
My fiancée👩🏽: Helloo o?
My fiancée👩🏽: I said I love you
Ok…before I reveal what happened next, let me share with you some basic lessons this taught me…
1.) It’s very possible to have a crush on someone asides your partner…however, it’s how you control, manage and eradicate the feeling in the long run that matters the most…
2.) Remind yourself that this is most likely the same way you felt when you first met your fiancée…your heart raced then too.🤷🏼♂
Your spouse was also formerly your crush till the day she confessed loving you too…
_So it’s only logical to say your crush too shall no longer thrill you as much the moment he/she begins to reciprocate the gestures…_
Go back home and concentrate on giving your love to the appropriate person…”drink from your cistern and let her breast always satisfy you…”
3.) The moment you begin to compare your spouse to your crush, you’re beginning to create troubles for yourself…AVOID COMPARISONS!
4.)Never find it difficult to say I love you to your spouse in the presence of the opposite sex…it signals the inception of flirting.
5.) Acknowledge to yourself that you’ll always meet people who would seem better than your partner BUT YOUR PARTNER MUST BE THE ONE YOU WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE TO EXALT EVEN IN THE PRESENCE OF MR/MISS WORLD….to do otherwise would only create a sense of inferiority in your partner…IT’S REALLY AN UNFAIR THING TO DO.
Never break up with someone simply because you found someone new and “better”… as this only portrays you as one without self control or contentment… NO ONE IS PERFECT, YOUR CRUSH DEFINITELY HAS FLAWS TOO, YOU JUST HAVEN’T DISCOVERED IT YET…AND TRUST ME, SECRET FLAWS ARE WORSE.
OK….back to what happened in that bus😀
My fiancée👩🏽: Helloo o?
My fiancée👩🏽: I said I love you…
Me: *clears throat… hello… hel… loo.. he…llo…helo…
My fiancée👩🏽: hello…can you hear me?
Me: Lemme call you back….the network is bad… (drops call)
🤦🏼♂🤦🏼♂(…sigh of relief)
So I turned back to my crush and said…”that was a friend of mine…it’s been long we spoke last”😎😜
My crush👱♀: *Scoffs…
Whoever calls you is none of my business, is it?
Her response pain me die…na so I angrily pick up my phone to call back my partner after realising I had only been making a fool of myself…
Me: babe…what’s up dear?
My fiancée👩🏽: yea…I’m fine…are you at CDS now?
Me: No…still on my way, just wanted to say I love you…
My fiancée👩🏽: *clears throat… hello… hel… loo.. he…llo…helo…
Me: hello…can you hear me?
My fiancée👩🏽: Lemme call you back….the network is bad… (drops call)
And the pastor said…say after me:
“For better for worse” “For richer for poorer”
“In sickness and in health”
“Till death do us part”…
“You may unveil and kiss your Bride”
“I pronounce you husband and wife!!!”
That is usually the beginning of every marital journey….
Marriage is two lives covenanting themselves to be together forever and should only be separable by death. Marriage isn’t a comedy show where all that happens is just a joke!
Before you think of asking her the big question “will you marry me?”…have you considered the long-term factors that may occur?
And pretties, have you taken some time out to think before jumping at that proposal from the tall, dark and handsome guy standing before you to say “yes I will?.
Marriage is beautiful but not all rosy.. As much as it has a “better”, life has a way of bringing the other side of the coin along our path.
Guys! Shape of a lady should not be the only factor for choosing her as your spouse. Likewise ladies! The Ferrari he rides, the exotic trips, the expensive gifts from a guy should not be the reason for saying yes to him..
While choosing a spouse its important to look beyond the material things that are visible and take consideration of his/her personalty during courtship -his/her character(bossy/domineering /materialistic/lazy/prudent/understanding/selfish/patient etc) , temperament (introvert /extrovert ;perfectionist/not accommodating/prefers dull environment /secretive/accountable) , spiritual compatibility (Christian – islam/islam-islam/Islam-atheist /atheist – Christian)…
Life happens a lot in marriage… reality won’t ask for your permission.
“Tracy” may look beautiful but don’t forget she can’t determine her own fertility level as to know whether or not she will have babies as fast as you expect
“Rowland” may look perfect as a guy but you know he doesn’t have control over the number of sperm cells he can produce as to fertilize a woman… Darling no matter what happens the covenant of marriage says you stick to him/her, love and cherish your spouse irrespective of what life brings your way cos its “FOR BETTER FOR WORSE”…” TILL DEATH DO US PART”
Never forget that “God hates divorce “!
May God bless and keep your marriages.