HANDLING MOTHER-IN-LAW CRISES
In-laws are often a major concern not just for the married but equally for those in relationships as well. Every woman desires not only a good man as husband but also good in-laws most especially A GOOD MOTHER-IN-LAW…
Most ladies see mother-in-law /daughter-in-law relationship as a nightmare and an inevitable hurdle…this ought not to be…follow carefully as we discuss this.
A lady once said to her fiance “i can never marry a man as long as his mother is still alive”…this statement got the man angry and led to the end of the relationship…Of course, no man in his right frame of mind will over look such absurd statement…But what we should consider here is “why would she say such?” Every line of thought has an undertone of meditated information. Her source of Information could have been Africa magic yoruba or listening to wrong peers.
Truth be told…some mother-in-laws can be so sweet,caring and motherly while some can be very cruel to their daughter-in-law…the lady in question might not be wrong about some mother-in-laws being wicked but that alone doesn’t justify her conclusion.
Why do mother-in-laws act the way they do?
1.) They’re trying to protect their children.
Every woman who gives birth develops a “protective instinct” and so unconsciously fights anything that seems to contend with the attention she gets from her child.
Some in-laws react wisely and behave kindly to their daughter-in-law so she can allow her to still have the attention of her son…Some in-laws are not that wise and would rather contend because of pride, ego and extreme possessiveness. Every daughter-in-law should apply wisdom and try to relate with this natural protective instinct of mother-in-laws.
2.)They were never in support of the relationship from it’s inception and so no matter how good the daughter-in-law might be, she will always meet with cruel and ungrateful reactions.
3.) They’re are simply filled with evil and are the devils workshop. Some people are just wicked and puffed up for no reason….trying to please such people is always futile…the best you can do is to leave their son and not wish them dead…especially if they have their son jinxed already…your marriage will only be a living hell under such conditions. A friend of mine use to say “It is better not to cause a war than to win a war, it’s almost impossible to fight without a scratch” But perhaps you’re certain your fiance is God’s will for you then I suggest you get serious with prayers and brace yourself for some battle scratches.
When you decide to marry, it is natural to expect that your partner will be on your side when the going gets rough.
Couples may fight between themselves, over big things and small, but through it partners are expected to stand up for each other when someone else criticises or threatens the relationship.
Nothing feels worse than to have a spouse who constantly takes the side of a colleague, friend etc and this is often the mistake most men make when conflict arise between their mother and their wife.
Research says that most men choose to protect their mothers over their wives. They see a wife as stronger, tougher, and therefore as the one who should make allowances…read how to understand others perspective. But a careful psychological analysis shows that the pain/trauma attached to in-law conflicts is OFTEN EMOTIONAL…and emotions do not necessarily correspond with physical strength and attributes. Your wife can be a 6 feet model but frets and crys at the slightest stress/pressure… Your mother on the other hand might use a walking stick and yet posses the heart of a lioness.
A man must protect the interest of his wife while putting into consideration the feelings of his mother…A mature man must learn to love his wife and honor his mother simultaneously.
N.B:- Men, The proper and appropriate relationship between your mother and your wife depends on your maturity, emotional attachments to your mum might influence your decisions in the home especially when your mother is living with you….it is therefore adviceable to be very mindful of every sighs and signs your wife gives about the presense of your mother especially in certain areas. Read more on the wisdom of relationship
Your mother has no business in your kitchen talkless of having a say over the style of cooking of your wife… if you allow this, she’ll soon have a say over the times you should have sex… if your mother must live with you then it is better it is on the terms of your wife…this will give you peace of mind. Of course your mum can bring her experienced “suggestions” in certain situations but this should only be implemented after your wife has willfully agreed.
Some three Steps to handling mother to daughter-in-law conflicts:
•Become One – (Matthew 19:5–6) Marriage unites two unique individuals into one. Tension arises when either spouse includes a relative into their personal decision-making process ie(finances, family planning etc). Even the best intentions do not justify a mother-in-law’s direct involvement in the decisions of the home. You may give room for parental advice and counsel but Decisions and Conclusions must come strictly from within the husband and wife.
•Set Priorities – (Ephesians 5:22, 28, 33) . If your mother-in-law is a constant irritant, address the issue constructively and prayerfully(Colossians 3:12–14) don’t expect a man to eagerly see from your perspective when you’re speaking disrespectful words or singing proverbial songs against his mum.
In choosing to protect your marriage, you will have to give priority to cultivating harmony instead of hostility. Through proper understanding of “oneness”, a couple can establish right priorities and attitudes that foster a loving atmosphere in the home.
•Reciprocate Respect – Your mother-in-law is the mother of your beloved. Her personality, physical characteristics, and care shaped the life of your beloved soul-mate…He wouldn’t have the heart to love you if she didn’t raise him well. Even with diverse backgrounds and traditions, it is possible to exchange respect (Ruth 1:15–17). Naomi and Ruth’s common love for a son/husband was the basis of their commitment to a tender relationship which God richly blessed! (Ruth 4:15–16).