UNDERSTANDING YOUR PARTNER PERSPECTIVE
Mr Roberts woke up in the middle of the night around 1am only to see a text message from his pastor which reads :”Dear minister, You will be leading sunday school this morning…we’re sorry for the late info…please prepare. Shalom.”
…So he had to wake up by 4am and later woke up his wife by 5am so everyone could get set on time….He spent the whole time searching out the scriptures.
At around 6:30am he was dressed and came to the living room but saw only the children fully dressed…his wife was in the kitchen facing the window doing nothing and hadn’t even had her bath…Mr Roberts was furious looking at her from behind…what is this he exclaimed?! Must you always be the one to delay me every morning? Even the children are set, why must you always be sluggish with things ehn? Are you not the one I’m talking to?…There was yet no response from his wife neither did she turn away from the window, she only stood there; mute.
This further provoked him and he shouted at her…”Pastor must hear of this new attitude of yours…I’ve gone with the kids…if you like don’t find your way to come to church!”…Children put my things in the car and let’s go…
At around 8:30am, Sunday school was over and people commended him for the well delivered sermon. He then came outside for some fresh air before the main service would commence only to see people gathering around a man and a woman who were pointing accusing fingers at each other…He was obliged to move closer since the topic he preached about was “Blessed are the peace makers” …He felt very embarrassed when he discovered the woman was his wife shouting bitterly at a taxi driver over fifty Naira…
Determined to be a good peace maker, he brought out 50 Naira and apologized to the taxi driver…his wife looked at him with such resentment as if she didn’t want the matter resolved…he also gave her a sinister look as though she were a demon.
Service ended around 12noon and Mrs Roberts brought the children to the car…she also sat there in silence waiting for her husband who only showed up around 1pm after concluding some meetings. He was still basking in the glory of his sermon as he entered the car with a smile but he quickly hid it when he saw his wife who refreshed his memory with the same resentful look she gave him in the morning. After few minutes drive in silence and Mr Roberts was about taking the express route straight home, Mrs Roberts suggested: “maybe we should pass through the market o…”
Mr Roberts exclaimed: “Haha! What is really wrong with you today? Everyone knows how terrible the holdup In that market route is…and I’m tired and hungry, I can’t wait to get home!”
Mrs Robert opened her mouth as though she wanted to say something but shrugged and stayed mute till they got home and was determined not to say a word again since everything she says and does seem to get to the other side of her husband. At around 2pm, Mr Robert came out of the bedroom expecting to meet his food but only saw his wife who had dozed off with her head on the table and the leftover flakes the children had eaten, he also noticed no aroma oozed out of the kitchen so he quickly tapped his wife who sluggishly wiped her face and sat up…
“Where’s my food?” Mr Roberts asked.
“Which food?” Mrs Roberts responded with a sarcastic look.
That was it! Mr Robert wouldn’t take it anymore…he said all sort of things…he barked and shouted…he went on and on…he paced and growled and was about to take on the next line of insults when he heard his wife ask him a question amidst sobs and teary eyes:
“What have I done to you?”
“What have you done???” He retorted! What kind of question is that? You refused to cook for me and yet you ask what you did wrong!
“You’re not caring” Mrs Robert said.
“You’re sluggish and Lazy!” Mr Roberts lashed back.
Five days later…. Mrs Roberts has since been cooking for her husband but Mr Roberts can’t seem to comprehend why the atmosphere at home is still filled with strife.
Mr and Mrs Roberts were taken into different rooms for counseling and this is what they said got them hurt respectively…
What went wrong Mr Roberts:
1.)She tried to make me late to sunday school even though she knew I was to preach.
2.)She embarrassed me by fighting with a taxi driver IN FRONT OF CHURCH where I just finished preaching about the blessedness of peace makers.
3.)She refused to cook Lunch that very Sunday just to punish me for whatever reason.
What went wrong? Mrs Roberts:
1.) On Saturday evening we finished eating dinner around 9pm and I put the children to bed around 10pm…I wanted to quickly do the dishes but he said he couldn’t wait and wanted sex immediately.
2.)He woke me up with a rather painful slap on my legs on Sunday morning around 5am.
3.)I rushed to wash the dishes he didn’t allow me to wash the previous night and also started making breakfast for the children while simultaneously bathing for the them…after I had dressed for them and packed their food I began feeling very tired and dizzy so I stood by the window of the kitchen to have some fresh air but he saw me and didn’t care, he only abused me and left with the children to church.
4. ) I later boarded a taxi to church and the driver requested for #600 and I bargained to #450 before leaving the house which he agreed with only to get to church and started asking for #550 instead…I had given him #500 and was expecting my balance of #50 but my Husband didn’t listen to my explanation about the taxi driver and only made me look like a troublesome wife in the sight of church members…he didn’t defend me…instead he gave the driver an additional #50 again.
5.)On our way home from church, I suggested that we should pass the route through the market so I could probably buy what we would prepare for lunch but he refused and also insulted me.
6.) He called me sluggish and lazy because there was no lunch for him yet he doesn’t assist with any domestic chores.
7.) He doesn’t care and appreciate my efforts.
WOW!!! IT’S INTERESTING HOW THEY BOTH HAD DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE TO WHAT HAPPENED ON SUNDAY!
After seeing from the other party’s perspective, they both apologised to each other and lived happily ever after…
LESSON: Most of the times when couples stay angry with each other for a long period it’s often based on a difference in perspective….remember, things are not always what they seem like on the surface…this one of the wisdom needed for a relationship, you can click here for more wisdom for relationship.
The tensed atmosphere caused by the fight will linger beyond what either of you intends…It is therefore important to build the habit of putting yourself in your partner’s shoes if you will ever be able to comprehend his/her way of reasoning…
Doing this will melt your anger into empathy and make you see things in a whole new light!
SUMMARY: Inability to see from different perspectives only leads to continous offences.